Time is not on my side.

Oh dear..........

It's going to be Christmas soon.......

Time is passing by, time is passing.....

I just got to plan , plan.....focusing on all the priorities.....

the craziness in my life was somehow over and dealt with,
I just need to focus on my travelling plan and my career objectives
cause I had been idling again.

Time is not on my side, and here to moving on with much haste
and hopefully success.

Hello Hell-O-Ween, Thanksgiving, Yuletide, dance slow please....

Indulgence Of Sanity

I posted that caption in the spur of that crazy and dizzy moment
back in August.

I still want to slip away........but my indulgence of insanity?.

It ends a natural death and I'm back on the freaking normal
track which I am so abhored. There's a rebellious streak in
me that drawn me to explore from the normality of life.
Wanting to know more, wanting to explore the challenges
of life, wanting to taste it further and just live free.

Or maybe all I desire is wanting to be loved..........

otherewise I may just as well be slipping away soon.........

Penang Trip - August 2008

My cousin asked to post this........

The trip to Penang last August 2008.

When I booked the flight ticket to Penang in July'2008, I
expected he will bring me to all those desired `Unesco sites'.

But I never expected my holiday trip in Penang this time
involved me watching live Olympics matches at his Penang
apartment most of the time. `Unesco Sites' and other
historical sites?.

Well, he brought me there,only to be watched from the car
cause he was in a hurry.........

What I didn't deprive of was the great food that he gladly
brought me to savour.

And yes, I wanted to go to Penang because he nagged me
into visiting him but in early August, he had changed of
plans and quit his job there and decided to go back to JB.
So, I had been complaining what a sucker he was.........


I managed to see Francis Light poorly maintained
resting place from the car cause my cousins dare not
step inside the area.

His new pet named `dada', I took the picture
while he is sleeping.


The Penang view at Gurney from his apartment.

Unbreakable

Been so exhausted and busy . Yes, another
crazy days for me from few aspects.

I really need a holiday but can't afford to.

What I can do is scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Here goes, tuning to `Unbreakable' by FireFlights.

Somehow this song sets the pace of my current mood now.

Where are the people that accuse me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me?
They hide, just out of sight
Can’t face me in the light
They will return, but I’ll be stronger

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there
This time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable
It’s unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

Sometimes it’s hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can’t see
to reach my destiny?
I want to take control, but I know better

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there
This time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable
It’s unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

Forget the fear, it’s just a crutch
That tries to hold you back and turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust
(Trust, trust, trust)

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there
This time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable
It’s unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

P.S. I Love You

Whom I'm drawn to????

Oh, definitely , echo ......definitely someone
like `Hugh Jackman', or

Jeffrey Dean Morgan who always have that
melting smile of all...

oWWW!!!!!!!!.


And Why I'm screaming his name - Jeffrey Dean Morgan at
this time because I just managed to watch `P/S : I Love You'
and I saw him.

The first time I fall for him was during the `Grey's Anatomy'
- Denny Duquette. I guessed I extremely attracted to Denny
Duquette cause he possessed that sickening and yet charming
humour tone more than Morgan but admittedly, they are both
charming.

Ok OK, The movie, PS I Love You was a bit tear jerking in
a touching way, but remarkably it was acted by Harry
Connick Jr and Gerard Butler, I mean they are 3 hot guys
in one movie. While Gerry (Gerard Butler) is romantic and
with a good sense of humour, it is Morgan's character that
made me enthralled for obvious reasons. And that sexy
tattoo he had on his arm. OWWWW>......again!

P.S I love You, it is actually a movie that I reluctantly
want to watch, I hate when people I love just leave
regardless how they leave. I grabbed the DVD, just
wanting to know the cliches, just wanting to hear the
corny lines again as corny that goes something
like these -
`Every morning I still wake up and the first
thing I want to do is to see your face'

`I know what I want, because I have it in my
hands now. You.'

or just listening to the holiest soundtrack -` Love You
Till The End' ?????????

that declaration of love just so tonic!!!.

And when Holly (Hilary Swank) said `it's been a year,
I don't feel him anymore. I feel he's gone. He's
really gone'.

- that really hit me hard. It's going to be September soon
and it's been so long that I don't feel him anymore...........
good news, meaning I'm moving on in a good stead.

alas......just another crappy love story that make me
tearing again.........................................

Passing of the Talented Ones

I watched `Dark Knight' not because I always like Batman
movie. It's particularly for the much touted Heath Ledger.
Had heard so much about him after his passing.

Truly, the movie is streaming along dark edgy story lines.
It is a good movie.

I particularly focussed on the psychotic Joker character.
It is an awesome acting. But I find him to be a sad character
and yet a psycho who so aware of human being weakness,
who know exactly what make a perfect human to crack under
tremendous pressure.

It's dark.....

Well, it's a mere coincidence that actors who had acted in
dark characters such as Brandon Lee and Heath Ledger
eventually have their life cut short which amazed me and
which made me glued at Joker wicked twisted personality.

And the late talented River Phoenix once said.......

"Life is multi-layered and there's no way
I could do my life justice in one pat answer.''

- River Phoenix

or even Kurt Cobain's quote:

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved
for who I am not.'' Kurt Cobain

their short unpretentious talented life moves me......

Bled For GermanY

Yes, Germany did it again.......and again.losing another final.
So heartbreaking.

During the medal giving ceremony, Bastien Schweinsteiger
was walking to the Cup and gently blow a kiss. It was a sight
that touched my heart.

And Michael Ballack Bled for Germany. My heart goes out to him.
He worked so hard for this Final and yet..............

HUMAN DISASTER is a GREAT SIN

2008…………

Natural Disaster Looms……earthquake, storms, hurricanes, floods etc etc………

Pounding the earth with merciless intimidation.

With the WILL of Nature. Cause by no one but Nature.

2008……………

Looking at my own life , the fiscal life

Facing the all- not- so understanding government.

Fuel Price Hike?.. Hey, we are not earning US or Singapore strong dollars.
Our GDP per capita is NOT the same as theirs.
And does the freaking Government see it???????.

The monetary state of mind, the looming of a suffering mankind

Cause WITH the WILL Of THE either THE COrRUpTED PEOPLE or
THE `CRONIES CRAP’ PEOPLE; which is very sad really………..

Let's dance............

The glow of the heavenly sunset beacons….

Let us dance and elude the sorrows and
The complexities of life that beyond us somehow

Or the joys of moment transcends the fantasy that
keeps serenading in our minds.

Again,

Let’s dance under the subdued sunset
Let’s fire ignites our desires
Let’s dance in liberation
Let’s art feeds our passionate soul
Let’s dance to life, the dark edgy life
Or let’s dance to beautiful cocktail of life

Just dance..........celebrate under the glorious sunset

and feel the embrace of the surreal nature that behold us

under the red orange sky.

Quick Ignition

Correct!. shoot them!

how true..........even applies to the so-called educated ones....

Or some people just do not freaking gets it!

The logic of something simple in a sensible sense...

and those cramped minded people just do not get the point!,

and it really ...seriously infuriates .........

Floating In the Truth.

I want to be I don’t dare to.

Struggle with the confusions but I rather it
be this way than making assumptions.

Having to grasp the ugly truths, having my trust to be taken advantage of.

Do I still want to know?, Do I just keep on pretending?, Do I want to be continued to be
lied at?. Do I want to avoid?. Do I want to believe?.

I just don’t deserve this.

I don’t want…..

Happiness is a choice

When I figure happiness was elusive, good friends suggested to break away from work and stopped mourning about the scrapped trip to Bali.

And there was I, boarding an eight hour bus ride to Hadyai last March ( my other friends in JB must be thinking I’m a changed humble individual
after I had resided in KL) and had my first crazy holiday in years!. Happy and fun-filled (and despite not liking Hadyai) but seeing my two friends who really so freakingly happy throughout the journey, it was worthwhile.

Happiness is a choice after all ……………..

My Home

I came across this humbling picture at stumbleupon.com

Excerpts from the picture above:
If you look carefully at the NASA photo below, you will see a little white dot. This minute speck is Earth seen from the Voyager 1 spacecraft as it exits the solar system, nearly 4 billion miles away. The photo was taken back in 1990. It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known.

See the tiny white dot?.
The Tiny dot is the place we live in, The Earth.

This picture awakens the senses, a small dot represents our home, let's face it
at this moment – that's the only place in the galaxy that breeds life ......
amidst the troubles or life complexities that engulf us sometimes,
I felt humble just looking at the miracle, the picture of our only home....

I was awed by the picture. Nothing can be seen at the space, not even a dot of the
sun or stars but just the Earth that is visible.

Let's FaceBook

A friend invited me to Facebook few months back and I was slightly reluctantly registered to the much popularly rated social networking website.

Initially, I found the annoyance of adding so many applications and the notion of not having any friends that I really know.

Jass & Jess had been saying to me that it is really easy and enjoyable to use.

Time passed by and amazingly, I managed to find some long lost friends over there!!

2 of those friends had messaged `````Surprise ! surprised ! to find you in facebook~’.
And one had commented how within weeks , friends back from primary school days
had started appearing….among all in Facebook!.
And was I glad to find them!!!...it’s been ages. I have not meet them since I was in Primary 12!

How apt to be called `Facebook’, considering the hazy familiar faces of past friends
been sprouting!

Found it was such an ease to be connected through the virtual world with friends especially those that I am not able to meet mostly due to geographical divide.
It’s informative to browse freely at their life through their snapshots. Pictures do
speaks volumes sometimes. And the `wall’ that scribble their piece of their mind or
reveals a part of their life.

With other adorable applications, am I thrilled to slap, hug, kiss or even throw sheeps at
them !.
And yeah, I even had Mac, my adorable pet dolphin.

Yeah, life’s good……virtually….stay connected always.

Elusive happiness

Decision to make, things to worry, the possibility of heart break and fleeting happiness.

The constant fear of making the wrong decision, the inconsistencies of the mind,
the uncertain consequences and the shaky delusion that everything will be alright.
All these had been haunting me for a month!.

Disappointments and sadness had been invaded me like a creepy ghost. Sad that good people is leaving, disappointed that lies & pretense had been dispensed at such ease from a trusted friend and from other creepy individuals as well, sad that I have not go further for my desired career path and disappointed that my planned holidays to Bali had to be scraped.

Is happiness that elusive?.

被你愛過我很快樂 by Genie Zuo

On my sony headphone recently, a nice song given by friend, Jaslyn.

被你愛過我很快樂 by Genie Zuo

我們肩靠肩的站著　

看著不停流動的河

這陣子麻煩你了　

被我的愛拉住了

終於你要走了

還是想叫你親愛的　

而自由是你最愛的

回憶不斷倒轉著　

時間卻又不停的

彩排我們　轉過身

＊ 被你愛過　

我真的很快樂

被你愛過　我更懂幸福了

你緊緊抱我　溫柔的我好痛

突然我才懂　你不是不愛我

記得一定要好好的　

不管遇見了什麼人

你在我耳邊說著

聲音卻飛的好遠

我也終於　勇敢了

Repeat ＊被你愛過　

我真的很快樂被你愛過　

我更懂幸福了你緊緊抱我　

溫柔的我好痛突然我懂　

你沒有我更遼闊被你愛過　

我真的很快樂只是成長　

要經過悲傷的現在我相信　

那最深刻的愛

不一定會陪著我們到老的

Restless 2008

Almost 20 days of 2008 had passed.
I still stay cocoon-liked dazed, uninspired and restless.
Was it that I really came to the `getting used to’ or `don’t
care’ stage?.

I really don't know.

Sometimes, I feel that I'm really felt tired of everything.
I usually make plans, and excited about new year, new
dreams & new desires.

What happened to me?. Am I not wanting to believe again?. Am I not
wanting to have the passion, the prevalent belief of leading your life
free with hope and dreams?.?.

Crap, or horror of horrors, is it hints of depression?. OH NO!!!!!

Do I have the dream anymore?. Reassure me, please. In need of
a little inspiration or maybe just a beach holiday. I want to believe again…….

秋天不回来 mp3

Not feeling well. Sick. Crap.
While medicating and resting, I'm listening to the song that my cousin said it will even dampen my mood. Yeah, thanks a lot.

I like this song though. I'm blind in written form of chinese. I goggled it to find the lyrics but unable to find the hanyin pinyin version.

If anyone come across this and please kind enough to post me a hanyin pinyin version.

thank you.

王强 - 秋天不回来.

初秋的天,冰冷的夜

回忆慢慢袭来

真心的爱就像落叶

为何却要分开

灰色的天独自彷徨

城市的老地方

真的孤单走过忧伤

心碎还要逞强

想为你披件外衣

天凉要爱惜自己

没有人比我更疼你

告诉你在每个

想你的夜里

我哭的好无力

就让秋风带走我的思念

带走我的泪

我还一直静静守候在

相约的地点

求求老天淋湿我的双眼

冰冻我的心

让我不再苦苦奢求你还

回来我身边

Little Toffee

Little boy Toffee was trying to walk.
He came into the world on the 18th Dec 2007.
He is growing big as days gone by.
My housemate said he was always too lazy to walk, and sleeping seems to be
his favourite pastime.
I put him from his lovely small abode to the house’s marble floor yesterday.
He walked for barely 5 minutes, then got lazy and just lay down and slept peacefully.

Lazy puppy.

A Reluctant List.

I actually have not tried to resolve anything for the year 2008.
Indolent is the word to start off my 2008.
Lying in bed and watching dvds are the order of the day.

I felt so wrong……..

So here goes some of the lists…

1 ) I resolved to think longer before I speak or voice out my opinions.
People tend to get offended very easily or misunderstood. I have to
realise some people are born petty… they take things too personally.

2) Spend wisely. Yeah……..Be avoiding the Shopping Malls as though it
is a quarantine zone.

3) For goodness sake, learn to write Chinese! Learn to cultivate the interest.

4) Take Pilates class. It takes passion and a willing mind.

5) Going on a real holiday.Depending on the budget..sign…

6) Wake up early at 6.45am on every working day!. It will be a miracle.

Or maybe or surely I shall adhere to Jonathan Edward’s….

"Resolved, to live with all my might while I do live.
Resolved, never to lose one moment of time, to improve it
in the most profitable way I possibly can. Resolved, never
to do anything that I should despise or think meanly of
in another. Resolved, never to do anything out of revenge.
Resolved, never to do anything that I should be afraid to
do if it were the last hour of my life."

Foolish Pride

Was having thanksgiving dinner at a place that reminded of you so much.

It was there you revealed your feelings , it was there we shared so many things, it was there I said I will lost my soul if you gone from my life permanently on the earth, it was a night that I almost tearing but I was too proud – I remembered I held on to the tears with all my emotional might, did not want you to know I care that much , it was a night I remembered all my life, your sad expressions, it was there I knew so much of you, that you really are a beautiful man with a beautiful heart. It was a night I shamelessly looked intently in your eyes and assuring you that I want to be there for you in bracing your adversities at that time.

It was a night that I just came back from my holidays in Australia. I felt like telling you how I dug your name in the sand at Surfer’s Paradise beach on a chilly night (I told my travel mates that I wanted some time alone) crazily declaring that you are mine and praying, missing, thinking of you so badly. It is your face that I want to see at every waking moment. I felt like coming back immediately and see you. I desired in telling you that I was happy that you called the day I reached home. But my hideous pride got in the way. I foolishly acted cool.

People made mistakes. The biggest mistake I made was that I never once said I love you.

I always letting go. You are too good to be true. I was a fool to think you are not mine to keep. But you knew. You knew I love you. You knew I had loved you ever since the first day we met. When you texted me and said that to me after that meeting, I was stunned for a while. I never thought you aware. But at that time, I was still too proud to say I love you. I’m sorry. Dear, I confessed that your intricacies of life overwhelmed me, I don’t know how to comprehend and handle that. I never say I love you cause was afraid I don’t know how to face it, scared to take the chance.

If time can reverse back, I will say: ‘ I love you and I have been loving you all along.

And I want you all by myself. Please stay with me cause I love you’ And I shall take the chance of going through the fire with you.

You had taught me how to love a person unconditionally. You had lead me to believe that miracle do come true. I never thought I will love someone for real, for what he is and without any reservations. Whenever I dreamt of you, I foolishly held on to the dream and reluctant to wake up. I want to touch your face and feel your embrace.

After you gone, my heart stop beating for a while, I don’t want to live, I really believe I lost my soul, felt like bleeding till death comes upon me.

I cried whenever I thought of you, I tried many ways to move on. Only began to be fairly strong 2 years ago cause I foolishly believe you are still alive……..I want to convince or merely deceiving myself.

Dear, if I don’t have Christ, I believe I don’t have the courage to live on. The Lord has sustained me. Or in subtlety, God teaches me the meaning of love by knowing you.

It’s in December, the vision of you always invade me maybe because I’m still hanging on to your promise….

Rest In Peace, Dear.

P/s : It was a long letter cause it will be the last time I write to you. In a rather strange way , I fall for someone this year. The feelings was not being reciprocated but I was happy cause I finally seem to have feelings for someone else after losing you. Are you watching me from above?. Whether I find someone of mutual love as time passes, it does not matter. I have my life and I decided to move on and celebrate life.

Desidero credere

Been Listening recently to : Andrea Bocelli - Vivo Per Lei

Every December
when I'm in solitude, you will be in my mind.

Years passed by, still....
I want to believe you are alive and well.

I want to believe that you keep your promise

I want to believe that I can see you
I want to believe it so much

Desidero credere , caro

A volte realmente desidero dimenticarlo

The inexplicable thing call `Love'

It’s not phobia

It’s not about taking chances

It’s not about desire

It’s not about me

It’s about you, giving me all the needed care

The firm one-time holding hand, the warmth hugs, the longing eyes,

the desired stares and the sweet moments together.

You had somehow cruelly and magically made me falling for you eventually.

Time goes on and realizing you are drifting away. Realizing you are scared, realizing you

are lying to yourself……realizing you are being unfair to me.

It’s not about forgetting

It’s about despite some of your craps that had affected my feelings,ironically you are still

a dear friend in my heart.

Love can be withdrawn and hidden in a strange way…. And still much craved and needed.